Jack of all Trades. Master of None.

When I was younger, I had high levels of energy. ( I didn't realise it then, I realise it now, when I am older ). I wanted to be the BEST at everything. Many times, even though I was not even good at things, I thought I was. I wanted acknowledgement from others. I didn't realise it then, but a lot of things I did were to get approval from others. I saw someone singing and someone else praising that person, I hated that I was not being acknowledged for the awesome talent I had. 

I had some talent, in many fields, and when I look back, I really did not work on my talents and groom it. I worked on it enough to get an acknowledgement from others. I never worked hard to become better at them, I worked superficially just enough to be OK at it & to prove to others that even I was to be considered. It probably showed, but I was happy in my own world.

Fast forward a few years, what I realise now is that I was a fool who was trying to take shortcuts. I still try to do it now. Be it ANY field, there are experts, who have put in YEARS of effort into becoming what they have become. It is utterly foolish on my part to believe that I AM someone, without the years of effort & hardwork put in to  become even GOOD at something.

During my college days, I wanted to become best at so many things. Cricket, Football, Swimming, Badminton, Basketball, Singing, Harmonium, Tabla, Guitar, many other things. As I am becoming older, I am beginning to see my foolishness in how good I thought I am.

My guru used to say life is about giving up one hobbies after the other. I am realising what it means now. I am getting present to my patterns of trying to prove myself & Ahankara involved in it. There is something within me that refuses to accept that I can not become good at so many things with the limited time I have. What do I want really ? The things I wanted to become good at were really not the ones I cared for. I wanted to become good at anything that anyone else was good at. I realise that I was just deeply insecure of myself. (Many times, I get insecure now also when similar thing happens).

I became good at many things because of this drive to prove I am better (Eg: Quake 3). There are some things that I genuinely enjoy, even when there is no competition and no one is around. I think with the limited time I have, I will start giving up on things that I don't have time for. That is bitter for the short term, but something that needs to be done. For, the other choice of trying to become good at everything is stupid.